Laughter

Direct quote from Finnean:  "Mommy, you smell like a mom.  Dad smells like a dad.  Jerry smells like Jerry.  And I, smell like bacon."  Then he ran out of the room.   I have no idea where he comes up with this stuff but he makes me laugh so hard.

Family

We are back from vacation.  Oh my goodness did we live it up.  I can't even begin to describe how amazing it was and how grateful we are to have been able to go.  More on all of that later!!

We spent yesterday catching up and just spending time together!  Love these boys!

Hutchinson

Little Hutch is not little anymore.  He may be tiny in size but boy is he growing.  Just a few things I don't want to forget...

• He calls fire trucks, ambulances etc.  "weee-weeees"  You know, like the sound they make...cracks me up every time.
• He is really starting to repeat words that you say and is getting some colors down.  He has just started "singing" along with Finnean and me when we sing the ABCs.  SO CUTE!
• "Geeeen" and "purr-ple" are two of the cutest colors he says.
• Fi-Fi is still is favorite person and points upstairs and says Fi-Fi when he gets out of bed in the morning.  The very first thing he says is DAD?! (thanks buddy) and then followed by the sign "eat" and then Fi-Fi.  I do get a hug in there but it starts to hurt a girl's feelings when you are last on the list!
• He loves to play ball, hold a ball, throw, swing a bat at a ball...anything with a ball, Hutchinson is all over it.
• He is just flooring me with how old he seems.  I am not quite sure that I am ready for him to be two.  I just don't want my baby to grow up that fast.  It is hard to believe how much he has grown up even in the last two months (I have some pictures to post for proof). 

More on what he is up too and his big bro, soon.   I hope anyways!

Fourth of July Fun

We had a BLAST in Bloomfield over the 4th of July.  We packed about as many things as possible into the week as we could.  We spent the entire day up on the square.  We ate pancakes, played in the dirt, played games, bounce housed, picnicked for lunch and then of course, we watched the parade!  There were plenty of flags and plenty of candy. Both boys were happy.  I got to chat with an old friend, Hi Lori! :)   It was a really fun day that we topped off with the rodeo and fireworks.  We were TIRED!  While we were there, we ate at the new ice cream shop (Elena's), we dined at Lake Wapello's restaurant, visited with cousins at the pool and I got to visit with my friend, Laura and her sweet babe.  The boys played outside and loved just hanging around.  I have more pictures to post but wanted to get SOMETHING on the blog before we leave on vacation!!  6 days but who's counting, right!?!?  It will be our first BIG vacay without the sweet little children.  THANK YOU, Grandma and Poppa Wagler and Aunt Ellie---without them it would not be possible for us to go.  We can NOT wait to get our feet in that California sand and catch up with so many people!  Anyways, I keep getting side tracked by that vacation! Here are a few pictures of the boys rocking their flag shirts that Finnean made (more on that later)!  Hope you had a great 4th!

 

three years.

It is hard to believe that my mom has been gone for three years.  Sometimes I feel like it was yesterday that we driving back and forth to Ottumwa while she was in Hospice, waiting for the call that she died and other times it feels like I haven't talked to her forever.  I think that is what I miss the most.  The phone calls.  We usually could chat and laugh on the phone and I really miss that. Towards the end of her life we really didn't get along very well, I don't think we ever got along beautifully but it was hard those last 5 years because she was really sick. I don't want it to sound like we never got along but we had a strained relationship.  My mom died as a result of her addiction to alcohol.  When someone suffers from an addiction, they put that drug ahead of all other things and that makes for some tough relationships.  I am not writing this post to harp on my mom or blame or to be mad at her or to cause hurt someone who is reading it.  I am writing it to maybe help someone, maybe someone reading this drinks too much or has someone in their life that does or suffers from some sort of mental illness.  I want people to know that it is hard.  No matter what side of the coin you are on, mental illness and addiction are two of the toughest things a person can deal with.  There is hurt, sadness, disappointment, anger, jealousy, irrational thoughts and so much more...for all people involved.  I have been working on forgiving my mom for a long time.  It felt like she took away so many things from me and my family but she didn't, her disease did.  It is a real thing, addiction and it is incredibly powerful.  I hope that you can offer some help, or a listening ear or ask someone for help if you find yourself struggling with something like this.  It isn't easy, it is incredibly hard.  I just want people of both sides of the matter to know that they are not alone.  There are people out there that want to help you and want to support you, you just have to let them. 

I just had some of the wisest words spoken to me this past week.  They went something like this.  Forgive.  Holding that anger only hurts you.  Hardens your heart.  Forgiveness is hard but holding on to that anger is harder and is detrimental to your living.  When someone asked about "forgiving and forgetting" the response was to forgive but not to forget.  If we forget, then it erases part of our past.  If we forget everything that was bad in our lives, we would not be the people we are today. 

This about knocked me out of my chair.  I was still holding on to that anger at my mom for taking away X, Y, Z from me.  Even if it is just a little bit of anger, it was holding me back.  When really I just needed to forgive her fully.  Let it be done.  Remember that it isn't always about me and that she wasn't trying to hurt me or the people around her intentionally.  She was sick, so sick and it was not my fault.  Maybe because my heart doesn't feel as hard, that is why I am writing this post.  I don't know for sure but I don't want to hide the reason why my mom died.  I don't want to be angry and I most of want to spread the word that alcoholism is a real disease. 

I also want to share that you can make your past, make you a stronger person.  If my mom wouldn't have died, it is highly likely that I would still be working at a job that stressed me to the max and kept me from raising my baby at home.  I would drink more.  I would be less compassionate.  I wouldn't have been able to be there for my friends who have lost their parents like I was.  I highly doubt I would be as involved in my church that I am now.  I might not appreciate life as much as I do.  I might struggle with getting older, instead I am thankful for having another year on this beautiful Earth with my amazing family.  I might not be as good as a mom that I am.  There are so many things that I don't know but I do know one thing for sure.  I do not want to take this life for granted.  I want to be there and I want to be present.  I want to live life and go on adventures and soak up sunsets.  I want to play with my boys and teach them to have kind hearts.  I want to make messes and go on dates with my husband.  I want to laugh until my cheeks hurt and I just want to live.  I am so thankful that I have another day to live.  Please don't take this as I am glad she is gone, that is not the case.  I would give anything to talk to her again but that is not a possibility right now.  I often wonder about the "what ifs" but that is a hard world to live in.  So, I choose to be grateful and fill my heart to love.  It is hard and I wish I could say that I felt like that all the time, I don't.  But a lot of the time I do and for that I am grateful. 

So if you have made it to the end of this incredibly long and sappy post, thank you.  Thank you for listening.  I hope you choose to forgive someone that has hurt you in your life.  I hope you choose to have gratitude in your life and most of all, I hope you offer to help someone if they need it.  If you do, I really hope that they are willing to accept it.  If you are on the other end of the stick, I hope that you are at a point in your life that you are willing to be helped.  It is hard. It is so, so hard but I think that what is on the other side is so worth it.  We are worth it.  Everyone deserves a chance to live life to the fullest.   And thank you to all the people that I have in my life that have supported me through these past years.  I can't begin to say how much it means to me and how much of impact it has had on my life.  You know who you are and thank you. 

This is one of my favorite pictures ever of my mom and me.  Pinning a handkerchief of my great-grandmother's(???-I know it is old) to the inside of my wedding dress.  This was a day that was full of happy memories.  I loved seeing her eyes well up with tears and just seeming so proud of me.  The other day that is burnt in my mind is when she saw me try on my wedding dress for the first time.  I can still see her smile. 

Little Eastern Iowa Adventure

Last Friday we headed over to Lisbon, Iowa for Danielle's (the pretty gal in the picture) grand opening of her business, Iron Leaf Press.  She recently won a prize of this beautiful building...RENT FREE for two years.  It is awesome way to get her business jump started.  Danielle used to be an intern in Michael's office and she also did Bare Root's branding...it is so neat to see her opening her own business!  Not only is she a super nice lady, she makes some pretty amazing stuff.  She has done a couple of custom projects for us.  She is a print maker, everything in her studio is just so neat to look at and so much work goes into one piece...it is really an amazing art.  Check out Iron Leaf Press ! 

Sweet Dee's is a little beignet company that Danielle's boyfriend started and it is tasty!  The trailer says, Like a donut but tastier.  We couldn't agree more.  They are hard to describe but if you see Sweet Dee's around...try it.  You won't regret it!  

Hutchinson wanted one more....please!

Or maybe he was just telling us he is going to be two!

Of course, we had to walk around the main street in Lisbon.  The boys found the perfect place to hide.  Fi Fi was cracking Hutchinson up.  I love the way he can make him giggle!

LOVE!

I love the top picture.  I can't get the boys to take a picture when we are all looking...so at least this is real life.  The bottom picture is in anticipation of a train.  This bridge in Mt. Vernon is crazy.  The trains go RIGHT under you.  You can see the engineers and everything. The first train was slow and steady.  The boys loved it.  The second train came hauling down the track.  It was quite the adrenaline rush since you are standing about 10 feet about the top of the train.  Finnean's hair was standing on end.  He thought the second train was a little too loud, if you could imagine.  :)



TRAIN!

Hutchinson loves to spy things!

We ended our night by heading to a little park for a picnic.  It was very muggy and buggy, so we didn't stay long.  Michael and I split a pizza from The Lincoln Wine Bar and it was superb.  I would totally recommend it and Michael says The Lincoln Café (same owners) has some of the best food around.  It is actually in Mt. Vernon but is right next to Lisbon.  We headed back to DSM but stopped to check out the Community of Flags, Brooklyn.  I posted the best picture ever a few posts back.  We had a great time and we just love going on adventures together.  It is definitely one of my favorite things about our family.

Truth

• We are addicted to Blues Clues.  I always thought it was dumb, I mean I guy that talks to everything around him?!  Come on.  Finnean loves it!!  He said he loves all the songs.  It is pretty cute.  I get desperate when I am trying to cut Finnean's hair and we found Blue Clues.
• Hi.  My name is Courtney and I am an emotional eater.  Yesterday, I ate an ice cream cone in the bathroom just to get away from my children.  You know the kind with nuts on top and the chocolate at the bottom of the waffle cone.  SO GOOD!  At least it was a mini :)  Bring on the eat disorder diagnosis...hiding while eating...that can't be a good thing!  It is AMAZING how quickly they know that you are getting a snack!  Little scavengers.
• My kids have watched more TV this week than they have watched all summer.  That is what happens when I have to work.  We have a trunk show this week and there is just not enough time to get everything done when they are asleep (not if I want to get some sleep), so TV gets watched.  They are going to be fine, right? Sure, I think so.  I hope so anyway.
• I miss the pool!!! We have not been to the pool all week and all I want to do is sit and splash with my kids...SOON.

I think that concludes my stay work-at-home mom truth update.  Somebody out there has to have these same thoughts, right!? 

I should add that today is one of my favorite days.  I love being at the Farmer's Market.  I get to be a small business owner.  I get to talk to people that I only see a couple times a year and I get to hang with some of my favorite people while doing "work."  I feel very blessed that I have two jobs that I love. 

a whole week?

I have no idea how a week passes so quickly.  I went to update the blog yesterday and was shocked that I haven't updated for a whole week!  Then I got distracted (if you can imagine) and it didn't get updated again.  So what have we been up too?  Adventuring.  That is what we do.  We headed to eastern Iowa on Friday and that trip deserves a whole blog post.  We squeezed in a date night! WHOOP! Love date night.  Some people say that they aren't important and that they aren't a priority for them...they are for us.  We need to be adults.  I can't think of what else we have been up too but I have to write down the following...

Scene: Hutchinson is waking up and I go into his room.
Hutchinson: (lifting his hands like he is saying "where?""  FI-FI!?!?! (Translation: Where's Finnean?)
Me: Finnean is upstairs.
Hutchinson: Cars?!?!
Me: You want a car?
Hutchinson: shakes head yes.

You can see where I rank.  I finally did get a hug but it took some convincing.  He is just keeping me grounded.  Hutchinson saying Fi-Fi is probably one of the cutest things I have ever heard. Ever.

I will leave you with one of the best faces we have ever captured.  I love this picture.  A little back story...Hutchinson is OBSESSED with flags.  All kinds.   Doesn't matter to him at all, he just loves them and loves to see them flapping in the wind.  We were on our way home from eastern Iowa and Michael mentioned that we could stop in Brooklyn, the community of flags, we couldn't pass it up.  It was late and we should have just kept going but it was totally worth...as you can see.


He just kept saying "WHOA!  WOW!  FLAG. FLAG. FLAG!"

Monday FUN!

We were beat after all of that running we have done in the past two weeks.  Swimming lessons wore me out!  SO...we just hung out inside most of the day.  We did a little "school" work and I gave Finnean an assignment and then of course, he gave me one.  We practiced our cutting, gluing and writing of names.  Finnean then came up with an idea to have a puppet show (bottom picture)!  I LOVE when he is creative.  He made all the people in our family and then I made a couple of dinosaurs and we taped them to spatulas.  The boys loved it and Finnean came up with all kinds of stories.  My favorite was he wanted to go sledding with the dinosaur. :)  Hutchinson did less puppets and more drumming but our skits needed music!  Then I lunch with Finnean the watermelon eating dinosaur.  Can't you see how scary he was!?  Great little Monday.

 

Oh my!!  This boy just cracks me up!  I think Hutchinson was just a little bit exited about his popsicle!

Silly boy stealing a drink of my water.  You should see his face after he actually gets some water in his mouth! 

 

Happy Father's Day!

 

 We started the morning off right by making some homemade cinnamon rolls and yummy breakfast casserole together.  You should probably make the casserole right now and eat it up all week.  It is SO tasty!  Thanks, Erin for the great recipe!  The cinnamon rolls are so tasty too and SO easy!  I recommend checking out Iowa Girl Eats!  We had sweets for breakfast and then the savory for lunch.  It was perfect and SO tasty!  We headed off to church.  Our pastor is retiring in a couple weeks so it is bittersweet each time we got to church. (Hi Kevin and Patty!)  We know that churches change pastors but why does OURS have to change!  Can you tell I am a little reluctant to this change? :)  Anyway...after church we all crashed for naps and then headed to the pool!  Finnean the fish had to show off his skills to his dad! 

Could you tell they were having fun!?  I love Finnean's face in this one.  I am sure that Michael made him laugh:)
After swimming we headed to the Saylorville Marina.  We got to eat outside and watch boats pull in and out...can't get much better than that!  The food is good but the view makes it ever better! 
(Hutch is spying the moon in the top right picture...looking old as ever!)



After dinner we came home for some family football!  Doesn't Finnean look like a hunk!  He can really throw it and last night we taught him what a "duck" was.  So he kept asking, "was that a duck or a spiral?"  I love that boy.  I love that he loves football but I hate the fact that he is most likely going to want to play actual football someday.  Michael thinks I am crazy but the whole head injury thing makes me hope for a solid career in the marching band!   He is getting better at catching the ball but still love to fall down more than anything.  Poor guy woke up with TONS of HUGE bug bites this morning.  I am pretty sure he scratched them the whole night! :( 

Hutchy loves to play football too but spends more time saying "fooooballlll" than really playing!  Finnean likes that because he staying out of his way and he doesn't have to take turns!  I am loving the bottom right picture of Hutchinson.  That smile just gets me!

The top picture is as good as we could get of them town of them together!  They are rolling on top of each other if they are too close!  The giggles are abundant but I am not a fan of the wrestling...I know, I know.  I need to loosen up a bit but I don't want them crashing all over my house!  Did you remember that we have a dog?  Old Jerry, hanging in there will the wild boys.  He turns eight next week.  Hard to believe that we have had him that long.  He is still up to the same things: barking at neighbors, napping and licking (he has allergies and it about drives us crazy!). 

I forgot to mention that it was my birthday yesterday too.  I couldn't have asked for a better day.  Perfect weather and plenty of time with my three boys.  I think this last year in the 20s will be A-Okay as long as I get to spend time with these cuties!  I am also so blessed by my friends who made me feel special on my birthday.  Michael and I are celebrating our summer birthdays by heading to California in just ONE MONTH from today!  We are so excited!  

I had no idea how awesome of a Dad Michael would be.  I know he would be great but he continues to amaze me everyday.  This picture was taken just a few minutes after he became a Dad for the first time.  He had no idea what it would really be like (I don't think) but I don't think he would change it for anything (I think). :) 

This was taken just after Hutchinson was born.  These last two are some of my favorite pictures ever.  Thanks, Michael Wagler for taken sure good care of us and working so hard for our family.  We love you and Happy Father's Day! 

Saturday fun!

 

 

I snapped some pictures for a friend on Saturday morning and all the boys tagged along!  Of course I don't have any pictures of Finnean, he was too busy zooming around on his bike!  Hutchinson on the other hand was just my speed to get some great shots.  I love that sweet, chubby face.  The top small picture on the right is him trying to "smell" the flowers...he doesn't quite now how to do that yet and it is so stinky cute. 

 

Even thought it looked like it was going to storm we headed down to the Downtown Famer's Market.  I do not enjoy it as much as the one in Valley Junction but it was still fun!  They have some different things and we checked out some grass-fed beef places.  We are considering getting some "healthy" beef.  You know, locally raised in a respectful way and without all kinds of nasty chemicals...if anyone has any suggestion for local people...let me know!  Anyway, the rain stayed away besides a few sprinkles and we got to see Cubbie Bear!  Michael and I had our first breakfast burrito from the market ever and boy was it tasty!  I kinda wish I had one right now!  There is always a huge line for them, so you know they are good!

After the market, we headed to Costco.  Yes, we did all this before 1 pm.  It was perfect because we had samples from the store of lunch and the boys were happy as could be!  I can't get over how adorable they are in this picture!   I just want to squeeze them!

They even make snack time look cute!  What do you think...do they look alike?  Somedays I just can't tell!?

After we took some naps we headed to a friend's house for a grill out.  It was SUPER successful!  8 kids under the age of 8(we were missing Dax, the youngest, who had a fever)!  You just never know how things are going to work out!  Tonya and Dana have an amazing backyard.  It is basically a park with a trampoline!  The boys LOVED it!  We are missing a couple from this picture but can you get over how cute these boys are!  They were devouring their ice cream...best. idea. ever.  They loved it! The top picture is of the "club" ladies.  Stephanie's mom had a club growing up and it basically a group of ladies that get together regularly.  We decided to take on the name as well.  It was a lot easier than saying I am going out with Tonya, Stephanie and Kelcee or we are meeting up with all of the following...so now when we say we have "club" our husbands know exactly what we are talking about!  Sometimes we even have family club.  I mentioned before that it can be crazy but it is fun!

Cowboy up.

These cowboys are just killing me.  The love to run around and pretend to be cowboys.  I almost always have to be the mommy cowboy.  The love to yell "YEEEEEE-HAWWWW!"

Fish!

The weather was super nice today, so we decided to head to the pool this afternoon.  We are now official pool pass holders!!  The boys had to get their pictures taken and everything.  Finnean is PUMPED and Hutchinson loved it too.  I was a lot more nervous than I thought I would be taking them.  I don't want them to drown but I don't want my anxiety to be transferred to them.  So I will be working on letting Finnean safely explore.  That is my job for the summer :)  We found out quickly that we were not prepared for the pool.  We didn't have anything to dive after or throw into the pool and no goggles.  So we are on a mission to get those things and soak up some sun this summer! I can't wait to see how much they have changed by the end of the summer!  Our neighbors came too, so it was perfect for all the boys to play along and nice for the moms to have another person to help keep eyes on the boys!

Hutchinson spent most of his time holding on to these little rockets that our friend brought along.  He would barely stick his nose in if he had too but mostly just walked around and splashed.  He did try to go down the slide but then decided that he was a bit too nervous.  He laughed and played hard and I bet he will sleep hard tonight!

Finnean spent most of his time "diving" under the water.  He puts his hands out in front of him and then "dives" in.  I wish I could describe it better but it is hilarious.  He comes up with the biggest smile and says "Did you see THAT!?"  He is really loved the water and we are trying to figure out what the boundaries should be for him.  He loved going down the kiddie slide (he was terrified of it last year) and spent a lot of time doing that.  He is getting more social and even asked a little girl to play with him.  That consisted of her following him around for a few minutes before she got bored. :)  He liked playing with Austin, the neighbor boy, and even tried on a pair of his goggles.  I think he will sleep well tonight too! 

Today's Adventure: High Trestle Bridge

This bridge is amazing.  It is located right between Madrid and Woodward, so it is about 30 minutes from our house.  We headed out about 11 and packed a lunch.  Finnean was pumped to ride his bike and we were excited to get moving.  It is about a 3 mile trip from where we parked, across the bridge and back.  It was a nice day for a walk but the wind made it almost a chilly.  I told Finnean that it was really windy on the bridge and he just said, "I like the way it feels on my skin!" So we just let it just push us along!  Michael brought the tripod (good thinking, M!) so we were able to snap some photos of all of us.  The bridge wasn't that busy today, so it made for perfect picture taking.  Here are a few photos from our adventure.

My heart is so full.  I am so thankful that I get to call these boys my family.



Just when you thought we looked so normal...

These boys love to make this face.  I asked them to show me their teeth and this is what I got...
"TEEEEETHHHHH!!"

Ugh.  Again, he is looking so old.

I love this shot of the boys exploring. Looks like Hutchinson is spying something!

We took a little break along the way...you know to rest and dig in the mud.

Hutchinson had to have a stick too!  Can you see the beautiful scenery behind the boys?  It is just awesome and would be so nice to check out during the fall.

More funny faces!

Momma's boy.

:)

I just want to squeeze him!!

Love him!

He put in 3 miles today and I think he is darn proud.  He did great staying on the right side of the trail and we are working on him saying "on your left!" like all of the other bikers say when they pass you.  :)

 

Garage sale fun!

We swore we would never have a garage sale...but we had one Saturday.  It was super nice day, so I didn't mind sitting outside trying to sell our stuff!  It went well and we have some extra spending money for Cali too!  This is how we passed the not so busy times!

{This just might be my new favorite picture!}
photo credit: Finnean Wagler